Why Can't We Last Forever?
by Pridesen
Summary: "So, um, yeah. You all probably know why, uh... we're here today. But regardless, I'll briefly explain." Dean tries his best not to let his voice waver. "So, to put it simply, my... friend, Castiel Novak was involved in an– an accident about a month ago. A car accident. And unfortunately he did not make it." [Destiel, AU]


**A/N: So this is angsty. Um, I had feels, so, bear with me. And warning for character death, I guess? I don't know if that's a thing I should warn about, but anyways. Hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural, or the lyrics at the end which are from the song Angel of the Morning. Listen to it, it's great.**

**-.::.-**

Dean stares at the black coffin on the ground, eyes unfocused. He doesn't want to look, but at the same time he can't turn his gaze away. His unsteady breathing carries over to the microphone, and to the small crowd in front of him. He shouldn't even be up here. He doesn't know how to give speeches like this; Sam's the one who can use words properly and carry on talking no matter what happens or how he feels. He's the one who should do this, but Sam had insisted that it's Dean's job. And Dean had been too out of it to refuse, so here he was.

Dean blinks once to clear his vision before moving his eyes to the small piece of paper on his hands. _You should write an eulogy for him_, Sam had said carefully while eyeing Dean like he was a hurt animal, about to run away. _It'll do good to get some feelings off your chest and... And he deserves it. You know he'd appreciate it._ Dean hadn't replied, and eventually Sam had left. Now Dean regrets not writing anything down but a few words from a song. Sure he could've just googled a nice poem, read it and be done with it. But of course he doesn't. Because Cas is worth so much more than someone else's words.

Dean coughs into his hand, and leans closer to the microphone. The few scrabbled notes he'd written down dance around when he tries to make sense of them, and soon he gives up and crumbles the paper in his hand. "Hi," he begins and his eyes flicker from the coffin to Sam who's watching him sadly. "So, um, yeah. You all probably know why, uh... we're here today. But regardless, I'll briefly explain." Dean tries his best not to let his voice waver. "So, to put it simply, my... friend, Castiel Novak, was involved in an– an accident about a month ago. A car accident. And unfortunately he did not make it."

Dean bites his lower lip, figuring out his next words. He already regrets referring to Cas as just a friend, when everyone knows they were more than that. Or at least almost everyone. That can't happen again, he needs to think before talking.

"Well, I'm Dean. Dean Winchester. And I'm supposed to give a small speech on Cas' memory. Um... I didn't really write anything but..." He trails off, gulping. He should've drank that vodka shot Sam offered before doing this. His throat feels dryer than ever.

"Castiel is... _was _the best person I knew. I just want to get that out of the way. And I'm not saying it just because he's... dead. He really was the best."

Dean feels everyone watching him, a row of eyes staring and listening to his every word. His next words stuck to his throat, coming out rough and quiet.

"He was the best, and I... I loved him," he pinches his eyes shut before opening them again and staring at the coffin. "A lot. More than I thought I could." A silence follows, the only sound created by someone quietly sniffling. "Anyway, I'm not that good with words and stuff like that, so I'll speak quickly. "

_The summer night around them was warm. Dean fiddled with the hem of his shirt, nervously. Castiel was smiling from ear to ear while Dean mumbled his first 'I love you', more to Cas' shoes than his face. And Cas lifted his chin up with his fingers, still grinning. 'You're a dork', he said. 'But you're my dork. And I love you too.' Dean punched him in the arm before pulling him in for a kiss._

"Um, Cas was... He saw the best in everything. Even me, and I'm not that great of a guy. And he didn't deserve to... to die like he did. Hit by a drunk driver. He deserved more years than the seventeen he got. A lot more."

_'How long do you think we'll be together?' Cas asked, staring at the stars above them. They were lying on the field behind Cas' house, side by side. Dean glanced at Cas from the corner of his eye with a smile. 'I don't know. As long as we can.' Castiel laced their fingers together, still watching the sky. 'I like forever. It sounds nice.' 'Yeah,' Dean agreed and moved his eyes to the stars too. 'It does.'_

"I've known him for a long, long time. And there's this one thing Cas always used to say when I was down, ever since we were just little kids. 'Don't worry', he'd say. 'Mom says we all have our guardians angels looking out for us. And I think I'm yours. You'll be alright as long as I'm around.'"

_Cas sat down next to Dean, not saying anything but leaning his head against Dean's shoulder and holding his hand. They sat together like that until Dean started talking. 'It's dad', he mumbled and closed his eyes. 'He's drunk. Again.' Castiel tightened his grip on Dean's hand. 'Is Sam okay?' Dean nodded, and Castiel sighed in relief. 'Are you okay?' Dean shrugged his free shoulder. 'Dunno.' Cas turned slightly to put both of his arms around Dean in a sort of a hug. 'Don't worry,' he muttered into Dean's jacket. 'I'm here.'_

"And I'm not religious or anything, but... but I do think Cas was my angel. And that whoever was his angel did a pretty bad job at it that night. And he might be gone, but as the cliché goes, he'll live in my heart forever. That's all."

_'Dean, stop worrying. I'll be fine', Cas sais and rolled his eyes again. Dean fake pouted, but let the smile take over his face after a few seconds. 'I just want you to be safe. It's dark out there, and you'll be walking home all alone.' Castiel grinned, raising his eyebrows. 'You want to be my knight in shining armor and escort me home, is that it?' he asked teasingly, and Dean blushed because that's exactly what he wanted to do. 'Don't worry,' Cas said, softly this time. He took Dean's fingers in his for a moment before letting them drop between them. 'Nothing's gonna happen to me.' Dean smiled, kissing Cas lightly. 'I love you.' 'I love you too, Dean.'_

Dean fumbles with the microphone, trying to lower it but giving up after a while. He steps down from the stand, trying to blink away the tears trying to escape his eyes. Walking past the coffin, he stops for a second. Dean opens the crumbled up paper, straightening the corners and smoothing it so he can make out the words he'd written down. He lets the piece fall down on top of the casket, before walking away and sitting down next to Sam.

He finally lets the tears dribble when they throw the dirt, and he sees the paper get buried down along with Castiel. He leans into Sam, wondering if his heart will ever grow itself back whole now that a part of it lies six feet under on the ground.

_Just call me angel of the morning, angel_

_just touch my cheek before you leave me, darling_

_Just call me angel of the morning, angel_

_then slowly turn away_

**-.::.-**


End file.
